June 2012
god: here this nose is perfect
god: *drops nose on floor his dog starts chewing on it drops it and little jesus rides his tricycle over it*
god: *picks it up shrugs and puts nose on owen wilsons face*
90% of conversations with me;
me: who is that
me: what are you talking about
me: I don't know what that is
me: wait what
maybe i’m still single because i didn’t forward that chain email to 17 of my closest friends 5 years ago
playing video games
someone: hey
10 minutes later
me: I DIED AND ITS BECAUSE YOU WERE TALKING
i get walked into in the hall: sorry
i get knocked and drop my books: sorry
i get pushed against the wall: sorry
i get pushed down a couple of stairs: sorry
i get pushed out the window: sorry
i get run over by a car: sorry
i get murdered: sorry
me everywhere all the time: what the hell is going on
